Krishna Sarkar's
Sardarji Jokes
Here it is the rest of Krishna's collection of jokes:
A
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
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A
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
Just a sec," says the rep. ”Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
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EMPLOYMENT..
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled
the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column "Salary Expected”:
He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote: Yes
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CROCODILE BOOTS..
A
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile
boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made;
they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily
exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"
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A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot
things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and
cold
things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
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A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in
Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like
"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
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What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!!
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What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
(He already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a photocopy of the white paper!!!
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Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning
for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh.. we'll get Punjab from India but how would we
develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed.
Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over
us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."
All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not
utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied,
"OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA????"
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Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his
turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would
like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me,"
he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair
color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again
approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
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Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
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How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
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What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy.... he’s got a
hand grenade in his mouth.
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How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
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Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
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Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
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How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
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What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
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What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
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What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
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What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
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Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
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How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
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Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
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How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
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"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
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What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
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Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
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TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he
would loose 34 kilos.
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to
report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
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TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
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A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him" kyon sardarji,
kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki
cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
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Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along
some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke
baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na
marjaun"
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Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy
sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
arrived.
This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees,
the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the
barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the
mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees
and woken up someone else"
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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking
God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing;
what are you thanking God for?”
The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it
that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been
missing too."
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Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother:
Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
Sikh?"
Sardarji Replies " I read a newspaper, it says that every
4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
_________________________________________________________
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (Its the barking sound) "Press
the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
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Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street that has a Clock Tower when
someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the tower.
Sardarji says, "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The
man took the thousand and disappeared.
Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he
was taken.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the
same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says, "I am not a
fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
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DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.
They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to
get a bottom seat, but unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while
when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met
Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to
death.
He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why
are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there? “
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver*"
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Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was
ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor
exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel
called back."
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The
world's most avid cricket fan, a Sardar, had arrived early at the stadium for
the first one day international only to realize that he had left his ticket at
home. Not wanting to miss any of the match, he went to the ticket booth and got
in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet
from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Balwinder!" He looked up, stepped
out of line and tried to find the owner of the ice -- with no success. Then he
realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the
line and wait all over again. After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty,
so he went to buy a coke. The line at the concession stand was also very long.
But since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as he got to the
window, a voice called out, "Hey, Balwinder!" Again he tried to find the voice
and got out of line as he wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no
luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke. Finally he had his
coke and took his seat eager for the game to begin. As he waited for the game to
start , he heard the voice calling, "Hey, Balwinder!" once more. Furious, Banta
Singh stood up and yelled a the top of his lungs, "My name isn't Balwinder!"
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A
Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says "
Hello, how did you know I was here?"
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How
many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six. One to kidnap the
victim and five to write the ransom note.
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Why are
Sardar secret agents the best in the world? Because even under torture they can't
remember what they have been assigned to.
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Did you
hear about the Sardar who signed all his checks so no one else would write in
his checkbook other than him if he lost his checkbook?
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Did you
hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out
light bulbs?
He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
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Banta
Singh was painting his living room one hot day. "Why", his friend Santa Singh
asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?"."Because," said Banta Singh, "The
directions on the can said to put on two coats."
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A
Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a
highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the
Following day less than a mile. then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept
painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep
getting farther away from the paint can."
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Why
does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're
there for those who don't drink.
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Why do
Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that
when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming
home.
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A
Sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I
don't have to think-I'm Sardar!"
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A
Sardar, a Japanese, and a Britisher were lost in the desert.
They
were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else
they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The Japanese took the radiator, the Britisher took the seat, and the Sardar took
the door. After a while of walking the Britisher asked the Japanese "I'm
confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The
Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
Next
the Sardar asked the Britisher "Why did you bring the seat?"
So the
Britisher said "If I get tired, am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on
this comfortable seat."
Finally
the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door. The Sardar quickly
responded to this question, "Well, when I shall feel the need to get some breeze
in this summer all I have to do is roll down the window."
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Why
couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
He
didn't know which "one" came first...
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A Sardar
was tired of being sardar and constantly being
the subject of all those dumb sardar jokes. He finally cut his hair. Elated he
decided to take a drive through the country to celebrate his new life.
Going
past a field of sheep (he loved sheep) he stopped and asked the farmer "If
I
can guess how many sheep in your flock, can I have one?"
The farmer laughed and said "Sure, Sir" he gazed out for a few seconds and
said “There's 1,973 sheep" The farmer said with Amazement "You're right! Go and
pick one out".
On his
way back to his car he was stopped by the farmer yelling "Hey Sir! If I can
guess your real identity can I have my dog back?"
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A
Sardar , a Japanese, and a Britisher were shipwrecked on a deserted island. One
day they came upon an old lamp buried in the sand. As they brushed the sand from
the lamp a Genie appeared and said "I'll give each of you one wish."
The
Japanese said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and he was gone!
The
Britisher said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and he too was gone.
The
Sardar said "Boy is it lonely here! I wish my friends were back!"
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Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days because
somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
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A Sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was traveling to
Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was
the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's
coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed
by the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of
railway department was
""There should not be last coach in any train."
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A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his
hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks
him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the man replies, " Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".
__________________________________________________________
Four Sardarji's were waiting a on Railway Platform for
the "Punjab Mail". As they were waiting an announcement is made about the train
running late by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10 am will now start
at 12 noon. Since there is lots of time to kill
the four Sardarjis decide to go out into the city to spend the time.
When they get back to the station they see "Punjab Mail" just leaving the
platform. So the sardarjis start running desperately to board the train. One of them
manages to catch the 6th boggie Another got almost the last boggie and the other
two got left behind.
When the two Sardarji 's who managed to get into the train met each other in
one of the bogies they started laughing uncontrollably. They go on laughing
.....laughing .... and laughing.
Now the
other passengers get a bit curious and one of them asked the Sardarji's .... "Arre,
what's so funny ? Why are you both laughing so madly? One of the Sardarji's
managed to reply " Actually the two who were supposed to take this train got
left behind......we just came to see them off !!!!!!!!!!"
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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain
announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is
nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but
we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the
flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry.... we can fly just
fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival
will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry .. we still have one engine
left."
A Sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we
lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
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Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the
plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar
Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat. She went up to him and
introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor...
Liz to you."
Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder ..
Balls
to you."
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Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like
anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I
came here for blood test" Second one asked,"So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger "
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and
asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
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A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he
gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to
tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only
sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all
references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'.
He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a
major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, " Kyon be! Sab
sardar mar gaye hai kya ?"
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A Sardarji once took an answering machine home in Punjab and disconnected it
within a couple of days because he was getting complaints from his relatives
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ki ghar pe nahin hai"
Krishna Sarkar is a contributor for Delhi Dogs Online, and is an member of
the Delhi Dogs
delhidog_24
Copyright © 2003 Delhi Dogs ©. All rights reserved.
As of: November 27th, 2003.
